I think the most recent post of Vinesh has caused a wave and Neha has posted a similar post in her blog too...
Instead of expressing my comments about this whole issue, I thought of sharing some thoughts of someone whom I was lucky to meet when I was almost in the beginning of my teen years.
Imagine visiting a relative or friend's place who have kids. What are the possible gift we would buy the kid. If the kid is a girl, we have too many choices for them with exclusive choices of dolls, varieties of dresses, jewellery, props and what not. There is no end to get a gift for a girl. What if the kid is a boy? Even if you list all possible things you could gift the boy, the amount of choices you might end up for a boy can never match the girl's list. The number of choices for gifts for guys is even less as his age becomes higher.
Second most important thing is that, pampering and cuddling given to the girl is more than the exhibit of affection shown towards the boy. This kind of attention is always more for a girl at whichever age she is in. This is also deprived for a boy as he grows. You can never imagine the boy being hugged by the "aunty" who is visiting his place with the boy starting in his teens or later ages. Girls are pampered and given more attention whatever their age might be. Also the only care or pampering or attention or cuddling is given to the boy as he grows is by the MOTHER Of the boy and no one else. FATHERS are usually not into hugging and cuddling or carressing and can't expect them to fulfill the "lack of affection" a BOY kid may miss over his growing years.
This kind of lack of affection makes the guy crave for a girl more than the girl craving for a guy. This kind of craving gets satisfied only when the guy finds his "mother" in another girl.This search of affection mostly gets to their destination at the wonderful bond called marriage. The gentle squeeze of hands, gentle hugs, puppy kisses, snuggling cuddles and big bear cozy hugs which the boy lacks over his growing years makes him give more attention to the "motherly" breasts in the opposite gender. The tendency of getting obsessed with something you are not able to obtain slowly grows in his mind and makes him yearn for it. This naturally makes the guy to pay more attention to something in a girl which he does not possess and which he thinks would make him feel more "loved" and "cared" for( though the boys can have friends of his own gender, the warmth and tenderness of the affection showed by the girl is irreplaceable).
This was the explanation "SHE" gave for guys either craving or more attention to breasts of woman. This explanation though I could not understand much at that age, did seap deep into my heart and made more sense as I grew up and got to know more guys. I would say this is more logical too. The guy who has relatively more women in his life (say sisters added to the default woman in his life ie. mother) would be more dignified when he meets the girls/women in the society at various situations in life. Is this the reason when the girl is getting abused by a guy, the first Q she asks is " are'nt u born with sisters??". Some guys misunderstand this thinking that the girl whom he is teasing is in an urge to meet her future in laws.. lol.. kodumaiyaaaaa ungaloda...
How can we change this? Well that is something to be pondered about. The way we bring up kids plays a vital role. If this is done properly, the kid will never get spoilt even when his friends are rogues who commit sexual harrassments.
Nature has differentiated men and women for its own cause. We can't redefine nature but we can reform ourselves and make this beatiful world a more loving place to enjoy every moment in life...
tata
sukku
ENZZZZZZOIIIIIII.....
Life is to LIVE.. live it to the Fulllllest ;-)
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27 comments:
I agree to most of your observations. I have two kids, a boy and a girl, and i always pamper my daughter more than my son. My wife used to always admonish me not to be partial like this..but..what to do..even the few times that i hug and pamper my son are also done very consciously by me...not spontaneously. I have to take cue from your post and I will have to ulearn certain habits. Thanks!
@ Mr. Madhavan : welcome to my blog. Am not old enough to advice people here...
moreover..rule is always.. girl is daddy's pet and the boy is mother's.
Looks like Your wife is aware of the affection ur boy needs, so you dont have to worry. He is going to be a great guy with a mom like your wife..
tata
sukku
Yeah...I read both the post suku…Your’s seem to deal with better insight …
It all depends on how much piety every one assumes on sex in their life…mark the word assumes…only this assumption makes you good or bad in the society…
But hey guys…. Vinesh just boldly mentioned that he liked breasts in a women …why cannot we leave it just as it was like mentioning eyes, nose… I think… the truth is… we LIKE to discuss these matters… like discussing a long hidden secret. You see...this is why our guys stare the breasts…
Suku..good that you have someone to discuss..cheers...
i think this problem is because we practise a subconscious 'purdah system' (mentally not physically), even in school and later on n college, due to this guys never learn how to have decent one-to-one conversatoins with girls, this is because he is shy, or enough opportunitues havent been created, for these guys there will be some mystery and enigma surrounding women. thereofre they oogle at them in an ugly fashion, but had they had the opportunity to actually associate with girls then they wudnt stare like this.
I spent more time with mother than father, I can’t stand and walk, every day my mother lift me and help to move. He takes me to bath, toilet and ect.. Mother is a gift of god to me.
@ ramo : YES, you are right. Am saying that there is nothing wrong in someone claiming his interests on something which is not openly discussed in the society. People do discreetly want to discuss the "tabooed" things. But here, most of us are young and I think this is a healthy discussion which might change the future generations to come and may change for better...
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@ vatsan : exactly. Get rid of the purdah. Everyone knows everything and if someone claims innocent, then there is something fishy. Why do we have to make people ogle in an ugly fashion. Why cant we give those people the oppurtunity to know women or men better is my Q? lets try our best to help those people... and hope things change for good.
-----------------------------------@jeevan : ur mom got the oppurtunity to serve a special kid like you. WE look upon her for her love and affection
tata
sukku
kalakarey sukku...
very interesting post.
But i happened to read desmond morris sometime back.
avar solra logic vera.
avaru 'pinnadi' irundhu 'munnadi' varaar....
time kidaicha check out his books
http://www.desmond-morris.com/books.php
First time in here. Strong sukku kaapi kudicha feeling. I think ur logic is pretty sound, except that its not juz abt why guys like to do some things, but why they shouldnt be doing certain things. I think there is a fine line by the society as to moral right and wrong. Its an individual ppl choice as to how they wanna follow it. I would say guys need as much affection as a girl needs, but do girls really reciprocate n fulfill them? I think every guy has a girl with whom he can really expect tht kinda attention. Till then, hes juz searching for one..Probably what was mentioned is one part of the selection criteria..Juz like how well a male peacock dances, how big is a sea lion n so on...
Random Access
The search has just begun !!!
@ PK : Danz machi
will chk out sometime but dont wanna waste time analyzing this. Just wanted to post my comment as a blog so that more people will get to read it than me posting this as comment in vinesh or neha;s blog
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@ random access: Hope you liked the kaapi.
About ur understanding : This is not abt what they shouldnt be but just some logic as to why they do behave so.
Well, I would personally say, live for yourself rather than the society. The society always has the mouth and time to talk about our actions but then follow your heart. Just try to be moral and try to be a good person in the society. Let;s not hurt others by following our heart is my logic.
Abt girls : well there are still girls out there who reciprocate the affection a guy wants even as a good friend. They dont explicitly publicize their existence for the fear of the still prevalent abusers who wait to make use of their affection to satisfy their needs. well if you discuss more in this perspective, we might end up arguing into more deeper issues... anywayss.....this was just my opinion.
I have very good friends who do share their problems and get my help and care. I dont differentiate FRIENDSHIP with gender. I think it is a special relationshp .
tata
sukku
tata
sukku
oii inna ellarum adutha tag'ku vazhi panreengala ;-). hey i would'nt really associate physical attention towards a woman's breasts or for that matter to any of her physical traits to the way a guy receives attention in his childhood. Basically I would say most (if not all) men do admire a woman's physical beauty and her breasts are defenitely a part of it, I would'nt accept as just another part of the female anatomy. The way one admires depends on the way "he" is brought up with girls/women in his life, the way he is allowed to interact, his parent's reactions to it during his teens.
The little hugs and cuddles the guy misses is more of emotional warmth, which is sometimes misunderstood as a physical urge maybe by a friend of the opposite gender and even the person himself. Certainly i agree to sukku's point of, the more women one meets, the more one knows how to interact with a certain person.
One more thing I would like to point out is that, the guy doesn't seem to have a proper channel of sex education when compared to the girl. This is where the media starts to mis-educate them, teaching them ridiculous things sexual harrasment as a means to show their anger on the society.
someone actually said we like to discuss about these topics. yeah we do need to know what the world feels about it right?. who knows, in a decade or so, we would have a situation to deal a teen too. adhukkagavavadhu therinjukka vendaama :-).
vitta ezhudhikitte pogalaam. appuram sukku'voda post'a vida comment perusa poodum. so i'll end here and leave it for further discussion.
@ narayanan : totally confuse ayiteengala???
"hey i would'nt really associate physical attention towards a woman's breasts or for that matter to any of her physical traits to the way a guy receives attention in his childhood. "
"The way one admires depends on the way "he" is brought up with girls/women in his life, the way he is allowed to interact, his parent's reactions to it during his teens."
I think you have contradicted yourself in these 2 statements..idukku thaan nalla thoonganumnu sollradhu... lol....
The society lacks sex education whether it is guy or girl....
unga comment enakku puriya rendu vaati padichen.. (first time ofcourse i was sleepy so..)
nyways.. looks like am making ppl confuse themself and think...
"Kuttaiya kozhapina thaaan meeeeeen pidikka mudiyum... NARAYANA NARAYANA "
tata
'narada'
sukku
oii enna kozhappinen.
ok the first quote u asked about, I said "chinna vayasula andha payyanukku kedaikkara less attention'kum. oru ponnoda physical traits'a avan paakara vidhathukkum sammandham illanu sonnen"
the second quote is about level of interactions between a boy and girl the parents allow. some families criticize boys and girls interacting with each other(like V.Natarajan character in Thulluvadho Ilamai). sila per vittu pidippanga, they know how to handle their children. defenitely the way the former looks at a woman differs from the latter right? adhathaan sonnen. ippo purinjudho?
'Kittumani' :( Narayanan
NAMbukiren narayana..
tata
sukku
NAMbukiren narayana..
tata
sukku
INTERESTING....
Hi
nice post sukhi....
awesome thought...
in this regard i would say i was some what lucky....and did not go thru all those...it was bcos i would say 3 reason...
one is that i had 3 sisters... 2nd my father was away and 3rd and most important one is that i was the youngest one....
so i had my fair share of those thing u have mentioned.....
when thinking of it i was damn lucky...
anyway...somewhat we have to blame the culture in which we grew up as well...the boys are aalways left to grow up on thier own as they think boys are much stronger....
and another problem in our society is that people alwsys brand boys of insensitive....
nive post sukhi..there is so much to write on this i will do a post on mine when i have some time...
Prakash
@ abhinav: NC ( no comments)
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@ prakash : Well we also think that boys are strong and that they should not cry which again i think is a wrong perspective and makes them even more weak emotionally cos they dont express for the fear of people making fun of them and this supression makes them even weaker....
tata
sukku
well..intersting!...but the fact is not the brought up....its jus the difference...and the underexposure..!...mankind's curiosity is the main reason for lotsa chaos ...this is one of em...perfect;y reasons out the fact why this is nt a prob in nude beaches...!
Interesting, though i don't agree to some parts of it.. a guy being dignified with women has much to do with him as a person and not much to do with being born with sisters or being surrounded by women. Cheers!
@ BaBA: well... this is something i observed from a lot of guys.. including you buddy.....
tata
sukku
@ sriram : Perspectives are meant to be different else the word would lose its meaning.
tata
sukku
Sukku:
Am I allowed to call you that? :)
That was a very sensible post! There are parts that I don't agree with, but this is your understanding of the way things are. I don't see anything wrong with them.
Keep writing! :)
@ adi : welcome to my post.
Well, I would not say people should agree to what I think.. like i said to sriram...
thanks for encouragement....konjam light topics ezhuthanum
tata
sukku
Point taken. It definitely is a matter of perspective and I could have sworn that I mentioned that in the comment as well, only to realise that blogger screwed me first time and when I re-typed the comment, promptly left out a few lines.. anwyays, keep chugging.. (err.. writing :D)
@ sriram : if blogger screwed u... u could have royally screwed it back by commmenting when you had time.. so that you would not have to swear :P.....n well whn u retyped it..if ur mem screwed u up.. cant help u..can i ?? ;-)
well... thanks for the encouragement for chugging....er...my Blastings....:P
DADA
sukku
Okay, so I didn't post comments here earlier 'cos I was very touched to read this.. tears in my eyes. My friend is laughing at me because I have tears reading this post. He calls me "sentimental fool".
You have given such a wonderful explanation for a boy's psyche (which I had tried to do in lighter terms and fewer words in my blog).. It is almost like justification for their behaviour (the decent ones, not the porkkis), though you may not have intended it.
I even forwarded the link to your blog to my sister... don't know what she thought of it though... haven't spoken to her about it after that...
Great to see a girl with the way you think!
@ vinesh : can't think of anything else but just "Thank you". I took pains to write it to justify your post n got the last comment from you :-)
( still the post i promised to u.. was on a diff topic ... though related is still unfinished)
tata
sukku
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