ENZZZZZZOIIIIIII.....

Note : This posting might not be for 'single' people... hehehe.. however I can see some ppl warming up to read the post that follows... :-)

Following the Marriage post, I would like to share another thought passed to me from somebody famous :-)

How good are you in Math?A set theory diagram. Let the 2 squares be the 2 people getting together in marriage. The red here is the discomfort zone and the colorful part is the comfort zone. For different people, these boundaries vary. As part of marriage when 2 people start to communicate to one another, we have to understand the other person's comfort zone. Rather than having your expectations in mind, you should be verbal in expressing it in a positive manner.

When the person has more of the red zone within them, it is more tactics we require to communicate to them.
What happens when you don't communicate properly?

The person with the more RED zone gets hurt easily. This person eventually builds up a 'Hurt' System within them. Once this hurt system is built strong enough, the person's DEFENSIVE mechanism sets out ..smthing like an Auto pilot.

Now about scoring, everytime you do something, the other person keeps a score of your actions. A time comes when there is the part called "Settling Scores". This is when the auto-pilot starts settling scores. Sometimes we also hurt the other person's family members in this process of settling scores.

Also the person who spoke about this humorously quoted as to how different the woman keeps score as compared to a man. He said " when you dont take her to her favorite restaurant, she gives you a minus 100 whereas a vacation to Florida could get you only a plus 1." The woman settles her score when his folks are in town and when her folks are visiting, he takes his revenge.
He suggested that the best way to avoid "Scoring" in a negative figure is to try to understand the other person's priorities and try to show interest in the other person's priorities. This can indirectly show how much you care for that person. Also a healthy discussion about a common family goal with periodical re-evaluation of priority can also be done.

He also quoted that in the bond called marriage " a woman usually looks for affection and care. She is not really bothered about being understood as it might be impossible task for a man to do that. On the other hand, the man wants to be understood rather than affection and care". This might be contrary to my previous ( way to earlier) post that the man looks for affection in his wife ie. he searches for a second mom in his wife. I guess that is still valid but here we are concentrating on the priority. The man in the long run wants to be better understood by his wife and the affection/care will follow in the list.

I felt sharing the above thought with you all, could also help me analyze how much I understood that person's discourse...

So, now you decide.. will ya score tonite? ;-).... make sure the score is positive.....

tata
sukku

First of all... I dedicate this post to all my friends who have got married in the last one year. I guess its been an eventful year for all the wedding hall owners & other wedding contractors coz I know a whole bunch of my friends have given good business to this sector in the last year incl me


As far as I know marriage is a happy ceremony. It is usually performed to announce to the world the joyful binding of 2 people into a holy relationship.

My question is, Y is that the path to get to this point so difficult for so many of us? Be it arranged or self-arranged, the time it takes to clear all our hurdles to get to the point of announcing D day is time & energy consuming.

In an arranged marriage, there are so many considerations that come into picture. Based on the level of importance the ones irrespective of religion are : Family background, the education of the groom/bride, wealth & status in society. More specifically to some community the Horo(R)scope plays an important role. The parents have a set of expectations and the kids have their own set of expectations on their 'to be' better half. I would state that unless the kid is fine tuned to the same mindset of the parents, it is more likely that the about "sets" of expectations do not MATCH.

The interesting part here again is that, when the kid likes a 'prospective', parents have a stronger weapon called "horrorscope" matching. This concept has served as an Armour for the parents who do not like that 'Prospective'. Also the kid who accepts this conditional approval of getting 'horrorscope' matched in order to get engaged to his/her 'preferred prospective' is highly subjected to an emotional blackmail which means out of "jeem boom baaah"... the good news (to the parent) is that the above favored person can never be their prospective 'in law' & the better news is that their 'boom boom' kid had just lost his/her "conditional approval" to a complete dismissal. Is it so difficult to accept the fact for a parent that their kid can like a person and would want to live with the person for the rest of their lives but just the EGO within the parent to accept his kid's choice could completely bury the desire????

WOW... its an amazing day-to-day practice which a lot of people are actually living through. This example until today I was able to relate to only for a "self arranged" marriage proposal. Today, I got to know that even if the marriage is arranged and if the kid shows interest towards a particular "prospective" identified by the parent, this issue still exists. So it is not the Parent's SOCIETAL fear to accept a self-arranged marriage that makes them to reject a person but their EGO that actually makes them behave so. We constantly think that the world is moving towards a more 'open minded' social set up but I guess there are still people who enforce these stringent choices to their kids.

I have seen many parents cribbing about how it took them years to find the perfect 'spouse' for their kid. The actual fact being, they took so much time to either finally accept that no 'prospective' is actually a perfect glove to their kid's hands, either they had to alter some parts of 'their' found glove to fit the kid's hands or totally hand over the credit card to their kid to make their own purchase.

Do the parents ever realize that their kid telling them "You find me anybody you like" could have a meaning

"oh my god....I have spent enough time with you and your list of prospectives, some cases where I have warmed up a little bit with the prospective bride/groom to scare you and make you back out n reject that proposal, some other cases where you have been totally impressed with everything else but I did not want to take a second look at that proposal. Finally I think I have had enough cribbing from you about the number of proposals you have been seeing for me, the amount of money you have spent on horoscope matching and also the complaint about how indecisive your kid is with this whole thing or how unlucky you have been with the groom/bride search and reached a point to say - this is it.. I have had enough and have spent too much of my valuable part of my 'single' life worrying about whom I would bring home after my next trip from home as my better half that I'm ready to finally say this magical line of You find(or is it FINE) me anybody you like and I shall marry that person"

Well, I would like to stress that Marriage is a happy thing in every one of our lives. As parents, all of them are concerned about their kid's lives but the few months/years you spend with them is never worth the lifetime your kid spends with his/her better half. As a person we have adjusted to the people God has presented to us during our course of life, like our siblings, our teachers, our colleagues but we are allowed to choose our friends. We would also like to have more choices than just the friends we choose. Would you say Yes or No? If you had said Yes, then how about adding a spouse to that list? To give this same liberty to your kid, Y dont you let your kid choose their spouse too? You could guide them in this process but not force your choice down their throat. Maybe some of us reading this post take the courage to share this to his or her parent and forward them this article if u r in similar situation or try to follow this when it comes to your younger sibling or in later yrs.. with your kid :-)

Lets get to D date with little effort and more joy :-)

tata
sukku

Nice new look to the blog with a simple template change by this non IT person...


Its been a lonnnnnnng time n am hoping to get back to some active blogging... :-)

tata
sukku